Joe Riddle has a simple but good post up at Ex-Gay Watch about one of my pet peeves: the way ex-gays (at least, those whose profiles are published as inspirational) tend to blame homosexuality for all their hang-ups:
Blaming the “gay community” sure seems like a convenient way for them to avoid taking responsibilty for their own behavior, dontcha think? Still, there’s probably a kernel of truth there… Chances are, their gay friends were not questioning their reckless behavior, and in fact may have been enabling it. Sometimes we out gays are reluctant to encourage responsible behavior in our friends because we don’t want to be viewed as another moralizing voice. While the “gay community” isn’t responsible for the bad choices of Paulk, Bennett, et al, it’s possilbe we did contribute to driving them into the arms of the ex-gay movement. If I thought my only options were to be a drug-addicted slut or ex-gay, I’d choose ex-gay every time.
Sure, so would I; but the nurturing, supportive part of the gay community that brings out the best in you is there (and not as icky as that description makes it sound). I found it without having to look terribly hard. My friends are perfectly capable of encouraging responsible behavior without turning into sanctimonious hard-asses.
If there are people who can’t handle their homosexuality, then I seriously wish them the best in celibacy or learned heterosexuality or whatever allows them to live happier lives. But I have no patience with those who act as if all the non-sex-dungeon hang-outs and non-abusive boyfriends were somehow in hiding and could only be discovered with superhuman effort and an oscillating electron microscope. That’s malarkey. If drawn to nothing but ephemeral pleasures and exploitative people, you’ve got more fundamental problems than being gay.