Labels have consequence .

Thanks for commenting, Eric. Without defending busybodies who think they’re in a position to inform you how your mind works, I’d just add this: A lot of us who are gay went through a period during which we called ourselves bisexual because it seemed safer. If you’ve marshalled all your mental resources over a lifetime to convince yourself that you’re hetero, hetero, hetero–however implausibly your reasoning may have accounted for your impulses and actions–it’s not as if a switch just instantaneously flipped in your head and you were now comfortably gay.

So I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for gays to hear someone designate himself (or herself) bisexual and figure, Yeah, right. You’ll figure it out in a year or two. At the same time, unless you’re asked for advice, you should just keep such thoughts to yourself.

Speaking of “Culture War,” Sean Kinsell links to a remarkable piece of anti-gay advocacy by one Linda Harvey, who claims that “homosexuality is a Christian issue” and that people expressing tolerance for homosexuality (“views supporting homosexuality” she says) “should not…

My own feeling is that these crazed people like Linda Harvey who devote their lives to reacting against homosexuality are helping maintain the “gay-versus -straight” distinction every bit as much as gay activists. It’s a free country though — and as long as they don’t try to mandate bigotry in public employment and education they might as well advocate against meat-eating.

My apologies. Looking back now, I can see how I took one of your statements out of context.

Your thoughts on the self-congratulatory tendencies of bisexuals are a hoot and spot-on. I would probably laugh if a bisexual copped a my-sexual-preference-makes-me-more-worldly-than-thee attitude. As for me (and most people), we don’t have a choice in what kind of beauty we respond to. If that makes us less progressive or trendy, so be it.

I don’t know. As much as I respect bisexuals, I personally prefer having a gender that I *don’t* have physical attractions for. There’s something nice about just being able to sit down with people and not have the whole issue of sexual tension creep in and disrupt things. Being bisexual, I’m sure, would wear me out.

Honey, what did you think SEP was populated with–rented child actors?

Actually, I don’t know how old you are–perhaps you were a teenager after the Great Doctrinal Shift a decade ago? In that case, you might not know what SEP was. I went in ’89. I think Maria went, too, though we weren’t there together. I went to Ambassador College for an abortive six weeks, too, BTW.

As for the services…you know, they made you antsy, but I persist in thinking they were a good thing. You learned to sit still and listen. And also, I think my critical thinking was developed to no small degree by listening to sermons and thinking, Just a minute there–that contradicts something you just said fifteen minutes ago!

Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free not to lurk.

Alan and tanoki, I think there are one or two important distinctions to be made here. What Alan was asking about wasn’t bisexuality itself but the affectation of same by people who are pretty clearly just doing it to cause a stir. That was the framework within which I was thinking above.

So I wasn’t talking about whether bisexuality exists. I have friends who say they’re bisexual, and I figure they know their own minds, so I take them at their word. Maybe some of them know that they’re turned on by one sex but only want to form a life partnership with the other; maybe they go through phases; maybe some of them really are just attracted to people on a case-by-case basis at any particular time, and whom they eventually settle down with depends on how the relationship deepens and whether they’re ready for commitment at that point in time. I don’t know. It isn’t for me to tell other people what their impulses are.

The only negative thing I have to say about bisexuality–or rather, about some bi individuals–is that they can’t keep a lid on the self-congratulation. You know, like, “I just don’t see why I should be CONFINED by gender in choosing a partner, you know? I prefer to respond to INDIVIDUAL BEAUTY in the MOMENT…that’s just much HEALTHIER, don’t you think?” No, bitch, what I think is that if you don’t stop with the pomposity, I’m going to knock you down and start kicking you in the head.

Well, greetings from another homosexual who lived in Japan; been reading your blog for a while now, though I’m a lurker by nature.

I am not sure how I feel about bisexuality. I don’t debate that it is possible to be sexually attracted to both sexes, but I do wonder if it’s possible to not care who you spend the rest of your life with. In other words, I think a person either wants, ultimately, to spend the rest of his/her life with a woman or a man, even if he/she is attracted to both.

But here’s what I am really posting to say. Sexuality is not liquid. People’s understandings and interpretations of their attractions may change over time, but attractions themselves are hardwired. Not to be too graphic, but I knew fairly early on that I was attracted to the opposite sex. Why? Well, that’s what my friend south of the belt told me. Like Sean, I’ve never been molested, etc., but I seriously doubt that being molested by a guy would have made me gay. For the same reason, I think this stuff about “converting people” is ridiculous. You can’t turn a gay guy straight anymore than you can turn a straight guy gay. The only ones that do convert were probably the ones who were gay or straight to begin with (although I’ll admit that I haven’t heard of many people pretending to be gay only to come out as straight–kind of a Twilight Zone moment).

Thanks, Maria. (Maria and I were brought up in the same church–she can tell you just how anything-goes it was. At the same time–and I’m just speaking for myself–I honestly didn’t think of it as oppressive growing up. My parents were strict, of course, but they were warm and mischievous and fun to be around, too. There were some parents who were scary-strict, of course–they were the ones whose daughters ran away at seventeen and got pregnant, if not always in that order–but you get that anywhere, and it wasn’t the rule.)

As to the aetiology-of-homosexuality problem, I find every single-issue explanation that’s been offered unconvincing. A combination of genetic predisposition (stronger or weaker, perhaps, in some cases) and environmental factors strikes me as most likely. That doesn’t mean there’s some kind of homosexuality-prevention program that parents can follow.

Alan:

“Somewhat off topic, but just curious, what are your thoughts on teenagers whose sexuality is somewhat liquid? There were several girls at my high school who identified as bisexual for the attention and I, as someone who has struggled with his sexuality, always found it kind of insulting.”

Don’t take this as condescension, buddy, but now that I’ve been eligible for a driver’s license for more than half my life, I see teenaged silliness a little differently from someone who just emerged from it. Yes, kids who are feeling vaguely disaffected or fractious and are trying to figure out how their identity is solidifying will often grab for the nearest cool-rebel affectation they can find. Perhaps some are just being consciously manipulative, but I suspect that in most cases the turmoil is real, even if it’s not of the same variety as that of the genuine gay article. Calling yourself bisexual just gives you an excuse to act conflicted and stuff.

If faculty put a lid on displays of sexuality on school grounds and focused on (1) educating kids to treat each other respectfully and (2) filling their heads with as much factual knowledge as possible, against which new information and their own moods could be tested…well, it wouldn’t stamp out attention-seeking among adolescents, but it would give them a sense of a larger world than themselves to which they could get busy adjusting. Unfortunately (though I’m sure Ms. Harvey has no complaints), I’m not running the schools.