Comments on: Concern Sun, 13 Jan 2019 12:02:38 +0000 hourly 1 By: Bread makers Thu, 23 Aug 2018 19:50:15 +0000 Stսnning quest there. Wһat hарpened afteг?
Taҝe cаre!

By: Eric Scheie Sat, 18 Feb 2006 18:24:24 +0000 Sean I think there are two issues here. One is a person’s actual sexuality, and the other is the public label he might choose to bestow on himself. My point is that most of the bisexuals I have known don’t label themselves that way publicly lest everyone assume they’re gay and closeted. The fact that so many gay men are unable to label themselves gay and use the “bisexual” tag transitionally probably contributes to this fear. The end result is that true bisexuality is therefore a much more closeted “identity” (a word I use with hesitancy).

Labels have consequence .

By: Sean Kinsell Sat, 18 Feb 2006 08:17:18 +0000 “True bisexuality is seen as inherently dishonest — which is why most genuine bisexuals identify as heterosexual. From where derives a duty to be honest about something which is seen as dishonest? Too exhausting — and life is too short!”

Thanks for commenting, Eric. Without defending busybodies who think they’re in a position to inform you how your mind works, I’d just add this: A lot of us who are gay went through a period during which we called ourselves bisexual because it seemed safer. If you’ve marshalled all your mental resources over a lifetime to convince yourself that you’re hetero, hetero, hetero–however implausibly your reasoning may have accounted for your impulses and actions–it’s not as if a switch just instantaneously flipped in your head and you were now comfortably gay.

So I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for gays to hear someone designate himself (or herself) bisexual and figure, Yeah, right. You’ll figure it out in a year or two. At the same time, unless you’re asked for advice, you should just keep such thoughts to yourself.

By: Classical Values Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:31:27 +0000 Another day, another war

Speaking of “Culture War,” Sean Kinsell links to a remarkable piece of anti-gay advocacy by one Linda Harvey, who claims that “homosexuality is a Christian issue” and that people expressing tolerance for homosexuality (“views supporting homosexuality” she says) “should not…

By: Eric Scheie Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:39:43 +0000 Being bisexual if you’re in a gay relationship is OK as long as you don’t make an issue of it. If you’re in a gay relationship, life is easier if you just call yourself gay, because everyone will say you’re gay anyway. As Sean says, “calling yourself bisexual just gives you an excuse to act conflicted and stuff.” People — especially gay people — don’t want to believe in such things, and bisexuality annoys them. If you believe in monogamy though, and eventually enter into a relationship with a partner of the opposite sex, you might find you’ve created a credibility issue by having used the term “gay” all those years, but what’s a word, anyway? In my experience, no one pays much attention to the word “bisexual” — which is seen as a synonym for “closeted gay.” True bisexuality is seen as inherently dishonest — which is why most genuine bisexuals identify as heterosexual. From where derives a duty to be honest about something which is seen as dishonest? Too exhausting — and life is too short!

My own feeling is that these crazed people like Linda Harvey who devote their lives to reacting against homosexuality are helping maintain the “gay-versus -straight” distinction every bit as much as gay activists. It’s a free country though — and as long as they don’t try to mandate bigotry in public employment and education they might as well advocate against meat-eating.

By: tanoki Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:24:16 +0000 Sean:

My apologies. Looking back now, I can see how I took one of your statements out of context.

Your thoughts on the self-congratulatory tendencies of bisexuals are a hoot and spot-on. I would probably laugh if a bisexual copped a my-sexual-preference-makes-me-more-worldly-than-thee attitude. As for me (and most people), we don’t have a choice in what kind of beauty we respond to. If that makes us less progressive or trendy, so be it.

I don’t know. As much as I respect bisexuals, I personally prefer having a gender that I *don’t* have physical attractions for. There’s something nice about just being able to sit down with people and not have the whole issue of sexual tension creep in and disrupt things. Being bisexual, I’m sure, would wear me out.

By: Sean Kinsell Fri, 17 Feb 2006 07:24:13 +0000 K. Tonn:

“Whoa, and here I thought /I/ was the only person who was raised in the Worldwide Church of God.”

Honey, what did you think SEP was populated with–rented child actors? :)

Actually, I don’t know how old you are–perhaps you were a teenager after the Great Doctrinal Shift a decade ago? In that case, you might not know what SEP was. I went in ’89. I think Maria went, too, though we weren’t there together. I went to Ambassador College for an abortive six weeks, too, BTW.

As for the services…you know, they made you antsy, but I persist in thinking they were a good thing. You learned to sit still and listen. And also, I think my critical thinking was developed to no small degree by listening to sermons and thinking, Just a minute there–that contradicts something you just said fifteen minutes ago!

Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free not to lurk.

Alan and tanoki, I think there are one or two important distinctions to be made here. What Alan was asking about wasn’t bisexuality itself but the affectation of same by people who are pretty clearly just doing it to cause a stir. That was the framework within which I was thinking above.

So I wasn’t talking about whether bisexuality exists. I have friends who say they’re bisexual, and I figure they know their own minds, so I take them at their word. Maybe some of them know that they’re turned on by one sex but only want to form a life partnership with the other; maybe they go through phases; maybe some of them really are just attracted to people on a case-by-case basis at any particular time, and whom they eventually settle down with depends on how the relationship deepens and whether they’re ready for commitment at that point in time. I don’t know. It isn’t for me to tell other people what their impulses are.

The only negative thing I have to say about bisexuality–or rather, about some bi individuals–is that they can’t keep a lid on the self-congratulation. You know, like, “I just don’t see why I should be CONFINED by gender in choosing a partner, you know? I prefer to respond to INDIVIDUAL BEAUTY in the MOMENT…that’s just much HEALTHIER, don’t you think?” No, bitch, what I think is that if you don’t stop with the pomposity, I’m going to knock you down and start kicking you in the head.

By: K. Tonn Fri, 17 Feb 2006 02:38:01 +0000 Whoa, and here I thought /I/ was the only person who was raised in the Worldwide Church of God. Can I tell you how jealous I was of friends whose church services /didn’t/ last two hours?

Well, greetings from another homosexual who lived in Japan; been reading your blog for a while now, though I’m a lurker by nature.

By: Alan Fri, 17 Feb 2006 00:13:56 +0000 Haha, I guess I’m showing my age. Well, I wasn’t really trying to present it as a youngster-only issue, but I guess it is. Adults are, presumably, more mature and grounded.

I am not sure how I feel about bisexuality. I don’t debate that it is possible to be sexually attracted to both sexes, but I do wonder if it’s possible to not care who you spend the rest of your life with. In other words, I think a person either wants, ultimately, to spend the rest of his/her life with a woman or a man, even if he/she is attracted to both.

By: tanoki Thu, 16 Feb 2006 09:00:44 +0000 I’m going to differ with you here, Sean. A friend of mine from college was, and still is (at least to my knowledge), bisexual. He’s the real article–“conflicted” maybe only in the sense that he has so many options that it makes it difficult to decide exactly which person or which gender he is most interested in on a particular night–but genuinely bisexual (at least from what he’s told me). Sure, there are others that probably use the title to play the middle, but I think there is probably more gray to sexuality than we believe.

But here’s what I am really posting to say. Sexuality is not liquid. People’s understandings and interpretations of their attractions may change over time, but attractions themselves are hardwired. Not to be too graphic, but I knew fairly early on that I was attracted to the opposite sex. Why? Well, that’s what my friend south of the belt told me. Like Sean, I’ve never been molested, etc., but I seriously doubt that being molested by a guy would have made me gay. For the same reason, I think this stuff about “converting people” is ridiculous. You can’t turn a gay guy straight anymore than you can turn a straight guy gay. The only ones that do convert were probably the ones who were gay or straight to begin with (although I’ll admit that I haven’t heard of many people pretending to be gay only to come out as straight–kind of a Twilight Zone moment).