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    内向性
    Ann Althouse reminds us of Jonathan Rauch's wonderful article from a few years ago on being an introvert. There are too many good parts for an excerpt to do it justice, but I think this is my absolute favorite:

    Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.


    Not the nicest way of putting it--but hey, truth hurts. It's funny that I should have run across a reference to Rauch's article again now because I was just told last week for the gajillionth time that I am "intimidating." There's just no good answer to that. "Why, I'm the most approachable guy in the world!" is not exactly something you want to be bellowing heartily in a crowded gay bar. I tried my stock response ("There's nothing intimidating about me; I'm just not very talkative") and got the stock response right back ("Well, that's intimidating"). At this point, in my experience, all hope for a fun conversation--let alone the germ of a potential friendship--is lost for good. Anyone who believes that the occasional silence signals contempt or lack of interest will fail to be satisfied by anything but non-stop smiling, eyes-shining banter. Not my strong suit. (My first boss once told me before a work function, when I offered to be sociable, "Oh, jeez, Sean, no--you're much scarier when you're trying to be nice.")

    One of the many wonderful things about being in a relationship with Atsushi is that we're both introverted, so we get each other; but we're complementary types of introverts. When he doesn't need quiet time, Atsushi is very social. When I don't need quiet time, I need even quieter time. We give parties, and Atsushi chats and keeps food and drink circulating. I stay in the kitchen communing with the cutting board and gas range. It's become a joke among our friends, but it makes us both happy.

    Actually, many of you know Connie and Kim, so it will mean something when I point out that one of the best things about visiting their home last year was that it was considered perfectly okay to shut the hell up sometimes. Of course, we talked a lot--and man, do you have to be sharp to keep up with that family. But you could read. You could savor your coffee. You could watch the television. You could stare out the window thinking deliciously naughty thoughts. And then you could share them after they'd had time to germinate in peace. It doesn't get any better.
    Posted by Sean on 2005-11-06 08:55:43
    Gaijin Biker (mail) (www):
    Jeez, you sure do run on about yourself, don't you?

    :-)
    11.6.2005 8:40pm
    Sean Kinsell (mail) (www):
    If the disagreeable task of producing five paragraphs about my inner life has the agreeable result of convincing just ten people not to probe me any further about it, it will have been worth it. : )
    11.6.2005 11:29pm
    Toren (mail) (www):
    I used to have the same experience when I visited SF writer James P. Hogan's place back when he lived in Sonora. Sounds a lot like what I've heard of Kim and Connie's...everyone in the household was sharp as a razor and the only real crime was nattering on when you had nothing to say.
    I think it was Thomas Carlyle who spoke of sitting with a good friend in front of the fire, smoking pipes and saying nothing, and pronounced it "an evening well spent." Add in a flagon or two of fine beer and I might agree.
    11.7.2005 5:51am
    Alice (www):
    People are so easily intimidated these days, I don't know how they make it through the day without running home screaming. Still, it's good to be on the powerful side.
    11.7.2005 2:34pm
    Mark Alger (mail) (www):
    I gotta say, I don't understand extroverts. Why is being quiet intimidating?

    On the gripping hand, I agree with Alice (::waves::). If only they'd SHUT UP about how intimidated they are. Sounds an awful lot like whining to me.

    What's really hard is to be an introvert and a curmudgeon and always right.

    M
    11.8.2005 9:27am
    Sean Kinsell (mail) (www):
    "If only they'd SHUT UP about how intimidated they are."

    Yeah, that occurred to me, too. If you were really intimidated, wouldn't you be hiding over there in that corner and not getting in my face about it? I had this feeling that saying so would have prolonged the conversation, which was not a goal of mine. Alice, maybe next time I'll suggest that one of my more annoying interrogators run home screaming.

    Fortunately, while I have triple shots of introversion and curmudgeonliness, I have been known to make a mistake now and then, so I don't quite have your cross to bear, Mark. FWIW, I think you carry it like a gentleman.
    11.8.2005 11:27am
    Connie:
    ::waves hi to everyone::

    What was especially nice (besides the nice things Sean said in this post) was that HE GOT IT.

    People say I'm intimidating, too. I have no idea why. I find people who are secretative to be manipulative and therefore a lot more intimidating than folks who are direct--when they have something to say.

    I think we all ought to buy a great big house together with a Great Room--with books, snooker table, and TVs with headphone attachments.

    Three sentences a day would about be the entirety of the conversation--until after dinner, of course, when the ideas of the day have festered and are in desperate need of a full hearing.
    11.8.2005 12:58pm
    Sean Kinsell (mail) (www):
    I'm in. Can there be a workshop, too? As someone who grew up in a household with a table saw and old peanut butter jars of screws all over the place, living in an apartment in which DIY projects are basically impossible drives me nuts. It's almost as bad as chatty people.
    11.9.2005 11:05pm
    Maria (mail):
    Hi ho, from an extrovert! I must be part of a rare breed to not feel intimidated by your type. :) I rather enjoy sitting in silence with my introverted friends... Perhaps it's because I took a blow to my brain, i.e. my personality, at the tender age of 16, by a semi-truck. I was an introvert before that. I remember it. I like both of us.
    11.10.2005 9:22pm
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